Are You a Loser?

I don’t wanna be laid down

No I don’t wanna die knowing

That I spent so much time when I was young

Just trying to be the winner

So I wanna make it clear now

I wanna make it known

That I don’t care about any of that shit no more

-“Losers” by Belle Brigade (Lyrics and recording available here.)

Dropping out of the game doesn’t make you a loser. Who decided there was a game and put you in it, anyway? When you decide to get out of the competition game and engage, instead, in the race to develop True You, there are serious forces that conspire to defeat you.

• People insist that The Game is the only option, and you are crazy to think otherwise.
• The people around you don’t want you to change. This is because the situation is working for them even if it no longer works for you.
• The competitive drive was programmed in you from a very early age—“be the best,” “make an A,” “Don’t disappoint daddy”—to make you a good team player, for the benefit of the team.
• The biological pull to subjugate your needs for the tribe helps ensure survival of the species, and is powerful. It must be countered with consciousness.
• It’s easier to focus on others than self. Are you willing to do the tough stuff?

It takes a conscious commitment to win the daily fight to honor True You. Our needs can seem so silly, so negligible, so optional, next to the demands of family, work and world. But here’s the ugly truth: if you deny your needs, you will wither. You will never stand in your fullness. You will take your gifts to grave.

Honoring your needs is not just feel-good b.s. It certainly isn’t selfish. It is a life-requirement. If you’ve been lead to believe otherwise, check the serious forces listed above.

Let’s not waste any more time. Right now, write down what helps you be your best self. Get your Feel-Good list started and add to it as you go along. This is just for you. Nobody will see what you write. Nothing is too silly. Don’t question it. Look for what makes you feel good. Things like:

• Dinner with family
• Waking without an alarm clock
• Sweating in the garden
• Going to church
• Wearing colorful clothing
• Getting massages

Your childhood is full of clues. Watch particularly for the things someone told you was stupid, or didn’t matter, or wasted time, or cost too much. Those are the favorite tools of those who want to keep you in the game.

Start your Feel-Good list now. Add to it as your awareness grows. Then, simply move in the direction of doing more of what feels good. How bad can that be? No major life shift. No big agenda. No figuring it all out first. Just move in the direction of what feels good, and True You will show you the way.